Reflections

This morning, as I was putting on my make-up, I paused for a second to stare at the reflection in the mirror.  Today was mother's day.  How have the past years of being a mother changed me?  I know something in me changed the day I became a mother.... almost seven years ago.  (Wow!)  I feel different... more confident and beautiful.  I feel happy.  Which, made me question what had changed?  I have learned many lessons from my girls.  They have taught me what unconditional love feels like.  You know, it kind of hurts.  I want to protect them from anything that might hurt or harm, but know that I cannot, nor should I.  I also know that unconditional love is forgiving... If it wasn't, than there would be no way my girls would still look at me the way they do at the end of the day.  Each day, I make mistakes.  (Many, many mistakes).  And yet, at the end of the day, I tuck them in and tell them I love them and I am always rewarded with their love for me.  And it feels so good, it hurts.
I have learned that sometimes.... most times.... listening is far more important than talking; that, a day filled with bubbles, bike rides, and slurpees can be more fulfilling than lessons and lists accomplished.  I have also learned that, although I have my own goals, watching my girls accomplish theirs makes me feel like a million bucks!  I have learned that outside appearances really don't matter, but putting your best foot forward does.  I have learned to better trust myself and the knowledge that I know my children best.  I have also learned that sometimes advice should be heeded.
I am s-l-o-w-l-y learning to have patience.  I am determined to be the most patient grandmother you have ever seen.  Ha!  I am in the process of learning to let go.  Yes, children should be protected, but they should also be allowed to test their own limits in order to develop trust in themselves.  I am trying to live more in the moment.  I want to look back at pictures of the past and remember what we did that day....  what the girls laughs sounded like, what their hair smelled like after their bath, and how soft and warm their cheeks felt at the end of the day.

I am a mother.  I have never fit anywhere quite like I do here.  It is exciting and rewarding.  It is scary and empowering.  It is where I have always belonged.  It is so good... it hurts.